Thursday, May 31, 2012

Guest Post: Nigel the Gardeners' World dog

I don't normally do guest posts on this blog, not least because you don't really need yet another advert for garden tat. However, when I was approached by a TV personality, I went all starry-eyed and agreed that he could write a post. Well, I say write, but he had to dictate as he's not very good at typing.


For reasons best known to himself, he prefers to communicate in limericks. I asked him first to tell me a little about Monty, his veg growing and his taste in clothes...

"Now Monty grows many a gherkin
In his cords and his old leather jerkin
This rhyme is to teach you
That if you stand still, he'll pleach you
And that his hair resembles a merkin. Woof woof!"

He agreed to spill the beans on Monty Don's recent press kerfuffle, when Monty stated that the only way to kill lily beetles was by hand...

"Now my Monty's not academical
But he can sometimes get quite polemical.
He'll exhort you to splat
Those lily beetles flat,
And not mention the use of a chemical! Growl."
Finally, I asked about the new pond that Monty dug by hand in his garden, Longmeadow. There has been some criticism that the pond is the size of many people's gardens and that Monty's gardening plans are on a scale that many people just can't adapt in their own small gardens. Nigel spilt the beans on Monty's true plans for the pond...

"Now the pond was a big, big mistake.
In fact, it's more the size of a lake.
Monty's plan of action
Is to build a boating attraction,
And have Joe sell teas, coffees and cake. Woof"
 I'd like to thank Nigel for taking a brief break from rolling in compost heaps, to chat to me today. I hope he'll be a regular guest contributor to the blog. You can follow Nigel's occasional revelations on Twitter at @Nigel_Dog

7 comments:

Arabella Sock said...

In all my years I had never heard mention of merkin until the last 6 months when both Leena Linedance and Nigel Dog mention it. It is a marvellous word and one I will treasure although not the sort of thing you can get into conversation that often. True about Monty's hair though.

Matron said...

Nigel you are a star in your own right! I hear you had an unfortunate incident with a frog this week?

Helen said...

Did you get his Paw-tograph? ;)

Garden Centre Canterbury Chartham said...

Wow its a very good post. The information provided by you is really very good and helpful for me. Keep sharing good information..

Victoria said...

Fantastic - made me laugh out loud

HappyMouffetard said...

Arabella - I think I first came across the word on a history programme, and it has kind of stuck in my consciousness. Not much rhymes with jerkin, to be honest.

Matron - Nigel hasn't told me about the frog incident!

Helen - groan!

Garden Centre thingy - I'm glad you found this a useful and helpful post. That was precisely the effect I was looking for. To help you even more, next time Nigel appears, I'll ask him for some of his favourite gardening tips. He might be able to talk about spam, too.

Victoria - Nigel is most obliging. Glad you enjoyed :-)

Tammy said...

Lol We enjoyed this too