Saturday, March 24, 2012

Making plans with Nigel

It’s Spring, and so, as telling of the new season as the first swallow, Gardeners’ World returns. This herald of Spring used to get me fired up for the growing season. Now I look forward to it in a rather masochistic way.

I apologise (though rather insincerely) to any fans of Monty Don, but the Lord of Cord, the Sultan of Smug, does not have us rushing for the loppers to cut our extensive hazel coppice or the hedge trimmers to get cracking on our lengthy hornbeam hedges, or even reaching for a spade to excavate an enormous pond.

No. SomeBeans and I instead engage in that most traditional of TV-watching pastimes. We shout. It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t make the programme any better. It doesn’t make Monty more palatable or relevant or less smug. But in a childish way, it entertains us. Then I tend to nod off until the theme tune over the credits wakes me up.

There is one ray of light. A new presenter, making his presence felt. The brains behind the Longmeadow experience. Nigel.

The brains behind the operation – Nigel the dog, with his hired help

(Source: Here)

Realising that Monty doesn’t connect with a large number of viewers, Nigel has started to implement a range of editorial changes. Viewers can expect to see the following topics covered over the next few months:

  • Plant profiles of dogwoods, dog’s tooth violets and dog roses
  • Why catmint is over-rated in today’s gardens
  • Pergolas are so last year – this year’s must-have garden accessory is the kennel
  • Garden compost – ensuring it is smelly enough to roll in
  • Chopping down those bl**dy hedges to provide a lifetime’s supply of sticks for fetching.

If Nigel can get rid of his sidekick, I might start taking a little more notice. Until then, I’ll continue to alternately rant and snore. Don't tell me to stop watching - it has been part of my life for 30 years, and it's always good to have something to moan about.


VP said...

Now there's a programme worth watching!

Nigel's that is.

I've given it up - I stopped the shouting bit and was only left with the snoring.

Karen - An Artists Garden said...

GW. Just makes me grumpy these days, don't even have enough energy to shout .... Or to try and find it, due to bizarre scheduling here in Wales!

Nutty Gnome said...

I would still shout if only I could stay awake long enough!
I am very impressed with Nigel's editorial ideas though :P

dog food said...

Nigel sure is a lucky dog to have you as his friend. I am so enlightened that there are people like you.

Arabella Sock said...

Ha ha! Only just caught up with this post. Sultan of Smug indeed. At least your household is united on this score - for some unaccountable reason the Bedsock likes His Cordship. I know what you mean about watching stuff just to have a good old moan or laugh for that matter but this series doesn't really provide enough fodder for either. It's just a bit dull

Anonymous said...

Just seen him on Gardeners world, yipee

Matron said...

Yes, Nigel is definitely the brains behind the outfit.