An Ode to Monty Don's Box Blight

Anyone who watched Gardeners' World last night would have seen that quite a lot of it was about box blight. I tweeted:

HappyMouffetard ‏@HappyMouffetard 23h23 hours ago

Monty, if you cut down those tall hedges and got some breeze through, you might get fewer fungal problems? #shoutyhalfhour

As you'll note, I didn't @Monty into the conversation. I don't follow him, either. And he certainly doesn't follow me, although he did briefly and mistakenly follow my alter ego a couple of years ago. It would seem, however, that he checks out the #shoutyhalfhour hashtag, as I had a reply:

Monty Don ‏@TheMontyDon 22h22 hours ago

@HappyMouffetard Very true. Have reduce much but happy to trade some blight for more height.

And so, having read a Dr Seuss book to Thomas at bedtime this evening, I have turned the programme's general coverage, my response, and Monty's reply into a small poem.

With apologies to Dr Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham..

That boxy blight, that boxy blight

I do not like that boxy blight.

Do you like it in your hedge?

Do you like it on your ledge?

I do not like it in my hedge

I would not like it on my ledge.

You may like it on living walls

You make like it on your box balls.

I do not like it on living walls

I do not like it on my balls.

Not in my hedge

Not on my ledge

I do not like it with all my might

I do not like that boxy blight.

If you don’t like boxy blight

Why not try to let in light?

Let in some wind and blow away

Those fungal spores that like to play.

I do not want to cut it down

That would make me grump and frown

I do not want to lose tall hedges

Even though I’ve blighty edges.

Try some fungicides, you'll see

That they might kill it properly!

I do not want no chemicals

Dusted on my boxy balls

A brown dead mess won’t make me panic

Unlike the thought of not being organic.

Perhaps that boxy blight’s OK

I’ll keep it for another day

No chemicals, no cut down hedge

I’ll keep my blighty balls, I pledge

I’ll give no plant its final chops,

 I do so love my blighty box.